Sex and the Single Christian: Total Avoidance?

A reader commented on an earlier post that total avoidance seems like the safest strategy for the single person where sex is concerned, and I agree; I also agree with him that a modus operandi that takes anything we're uncertain of and treats it like a sin can quickly lead to an unhealthy Christianity.

However, depending on what you count as "sexual" and how you understand "total avoidance," I'm not sure total avoidance of the sexual is even possible unless a person chooses to join a monastic community.  I think the  thought-word-deed breakdown helps here: how far does one have to go to avoid what's sexual in thought, word, and deed?

Consider sexual activity. It's not clear how much of our interaction with individuals of the opposite sex is guided by our sexuality. There's certainly plenty of confusion
among Christians who are or are seeking to be in relationships (the same reader shared this recent article on the Christian dating scene). How sexual is holding hands? Hugging?  Looking deeply into someone's eyes? Flirting? Those are some of the confusing aspects of relationships; you don't have to be in any kind of a relationship to be brought up short by your sexuality, however. Is it possible to admire someone's physique in a non-sexual way? (Chris Hemsworth looks pretty good in Thor.)

What about our words and thoughts? There are any number of stereotypes and labels with sexual connotations (the common use of "punk" has come a long way from its roots, but I found them disturbing nonetheless when I researched it at one point). We hear sexuality discussed in sermons and in scripture; it's in the news, on the tabloids, in our friends' conversation. Sexuality and gender are exploited in marketing, studied in psychology, researched in medicine and biology. To what lengths would we have to go to avoid thinking about sexuality altogether? Give up tv and movies? Avoid literature that includes references to or portrayals of sex? (That would include scripture itself, of course.)

Aside from being nearly impossible, total avoidance seems to me to be wrong-headed, given that God explicitly created humans as beings with sexual natures. It's there right from the beginning: we're created by God, we're made in His image, we're intended to rule over the rest of creation, and we're male and female. It may be hard to spell out the details, but I don't think we can deny the significance of our sexuality, single or no.

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."  

- Genesis 1:27